Life of An Artist: Learning To Deal With Changes & Challenges

"Everyday is an opportunity to paint and create something powerful, love." -Victry

Can't believe it's been a whole year since I started to regularly post in my new Instagram account! So much has happened in my life this year that I could write a whole book about it! 

 Putting things in the back burner to take care for family matters should be viewed as an opportunity to put our personal preference aside and give the needed love and attention to the person that you are now entrusted to. This past year I have become a care taker, a guardian, a companion to several people that I love and care for. Many times though as I was going through the motions and wanting to give all I got, I ended up neglecting my own wants and needs. I felt that my mind was hijacked by some alien from another planet and that I no longer can enjoy being my own person. I was existing as a mere symbiotic being, instead of an intelligent human being. I ended up sad, tired, and resentful.

 But then no one is to blame, but me. I should have stopped when I couldn't go on. I should have taken time to make sure that I got my rest. That I took time to take care of my husband, home, and dog. That I took time to do the things that I love to do. Like for instance my spiritual things, my art, my writing, my music, my time with nature.

One problem that I have is one of the first things a baby learns to say and that is: No! To say no, and not to feel guilty or bad is a big challenge for me. Why is this so difficult for me to follow this simple thing? I know that a lot of women have a problem with this. We are naturally a nurturer. To actually say to someone "No." Sounds and feels mean and hurtful. It is so wrong. It's like we are going against our very nature.

My friends and family taught me this past year that saying no is not a bad thing. And that it's actually a way we renew and take care of ourselves. They also explained how they did their own self-care, and they encouraged to do so even when life seems to go topsy turvy. Since then I made a conscientious effort to take time for myself.  I think it's a learned skill to have balance in one's life. For instance when I have something that I'm been dealing with, it's really hard for me to change focus to something less significant or less important. That include my own self-care and well-being. So I have had to re-learned that there is nothing wrong with loving and taking care of ones self! ❤

This past year I had to really put that the advice given to me in practice. I had to accept my limitations. When I started to to care of my personal needs, it was like I was a dry rose that was slowly reviving! What a wonderful feeling it was for me to go back to the things that brings me peace, joy, and happiness!

That doesn't mean though I have completely forgotten others, or that somehow I disconnected from other humans or that I have somehow forsaken those that need me. On the contrary now that I am taking care of myself, I found that I'm more motivated to step up and help others. And I do it with so much more enjoyment! But of course all in good balance.

Did I learned to say no? I am happy to say that I mostly have. I am still working on the guilt part of when I say "no" though. Yeah, that is a hard one that is going to take time to improve. I'm proud though of what I have been able to accomplish! These past several months I have made great strides. Like for instance: I'm taking care of my spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental needs now. Thanks to Deborah Norville encouragement, I finally got my thyroid checked, which I should have done long time ago! I got a new prescription for my eyeglasses. I started to go to therapy, to learn to deal with anxiety and stress. I started to paint and write again. And I even signed up for the gym! And I love that I am getting my much needed beauty rest!

 There are times when life throws us a curve ball. Life is not perfect. But it's much better and wonderful when we learn to stop and just smell the roses!

 "We are the glue that keeps things together. Without that glue things comes apart. So stay strong you beautiful and amazing glue! -Victry

Avoir!

The Victoria Lee Jones Saga Continues

Greetings to all of my friends, and future friends to be! Thanks for stopping by Victoria Lee Jones Café Society! I know It's been a while since I had an episode written for my Victoria Lee Jones Café Society series. The reason that I had stop was because I had some personal doubts about continuing writing the series. And unfortunately because of that I decided to stop writing altogether. Biggest mistake ever!

I am not a professional writer by any means, and truthfully for me to become one it would take me a lot of schooling, time, money, and a lot of energy. Even if I had all of that, I wouldn't even embark on such a quest. Because writing is just one of the many hobbies and things that I love doing.  I have more important goals and personal projects that are currently on my priority list.

So a writer perhaps may not be what I considered myself to be. So to be fair I called myself a storyteller. That way I won't end up offending scores of English literature fans. "What kind of poopy work is this?" I also wouldn't want to step on some writers toes and get scolded by them. "You call yourself an author? Are you kidding me?"

So you understand where I am coming from. But I can't help it, I just love writing.

For me writing is an es·cap·ism / əˈskāpˌizəm (had to add the pronunciation. Love the upside down e). Writing have given me a chance to go to places that I could only dream of. Imagining a story and seeing it developing is so rewarding!

So I thought that I would go ahead and give it a try. So I did.

I got out my Mickey Mouse notebook and started writing my first Victoria Lee Jones story draft. After writing several drafts I was ready to post it on my blog. So I thought!

Okey so my grammar stinks. And to make things worst I don't have an extensive vocabulary. Again I enjoy writing but, and I have to painfully admit my English was never really good.

Spanish happens to be my real mother tongue. It wasn't until the age of three that I started learning English. And for any bilingual people out there. I don't know if you had this experience or not. But I found out after giving it much thought that I never really learned well either languages.

My brain could only hold just enough English and Spanish to get by. Composing a well written sentence in both languages was out of the question. And up to this day I still find it a challenge to write something that makes sense.

But it's never too late to learn. And like with everything else in life. Practice makes perfect. So I put my best foot forward.

Fast forward. A year ago. After painstakingly correcting my awful grammar on all of my nine Victoria Lee Jones episodes, my editor advised me that I had to read more. He gave me a list of books to read. Then he said "It will help you to expound your English vocabulary and improve your writing." Oh okey, I get your drift. I stink. Then came the constructive criticism. "Your story was good and interesting. Though I was a bit confused. Like for instance I didn't get episode ten. I just felt that it didn't make sense with the rest of the story."

"What didn't you understand? Do you want me to explain it to you?"

"Just considered what I said. And just work from there."

Reality hits hard! I had to face the fact that my writing STINKS! And that I had a long, long way to go before it could be considered decent enough for a 6th grader to understand.

After I have put so much effort and thought on my story. I felt that I just didn't have it in me to become a decent storyteller. Although my editor's intentions were noble. He truly wanted to help me improve my grammar. I still felt bad. I felt like a deflated balloon, with no air left, so I went down, down to the ground.

At that time I was going through a very low time in my life. I had been dealing with severe health problems which left me physically inactive. Writing kept me going. It kept my mind active and happy. I considered it my intellectual therapy.

But like a sad balloon, I was punctured by the harsh reality. And I went crashing down to the ground. And I stayed on the ground, with no more desire to continue flying.

So I decided to step away from it all.

I took on other hobbies and interest.

Fast forward to now.

I missed it! I missed writing. Just putting my thoughts into words is one of the best gifts that brings me inner contentment and joy! I shouldn't have allowed my doubts and insecurities to interfere with what was wholesome and rewarding for me.

Has my English improved while I was away? Nope. As a matter of fact, eight months of no writing except for some text messaging and sending emails, has set me back, way back.

But here I am a stinky storyteller ready to continue to write again.

And I am totally excited to writing my Victoria Lee Jones series for you all.

I am back again flying in my air balloon. Can't wait to experience the joy of flying with you again!

Sincerely Yours,

Carmen Johnson